Parenting a teenager is a delicate art.
One minute, they’re asking for money. The next, they’re pretending they don’t know you in public.
But don’t worry—you don’t have to try hard to embarrass them. It happens naturally.
Here are seven effortless ways to make your teen cringe.
1. Breathe Too Loudly
Yes, it’s come to this.
Your mere existence can be an audible offense.
Try sighing near them, and watch the eye-roll of doom.
Ask them what’s wrong, and you’ll get the classic, “Ugh, nothing.”
2. Use Their Slang (Incorrectly)
Want to see pure horror in their eyes?
Casually drop phrases like:
- “That’s so fire, fam.”
- “No cap, I’m vibing.”
- “Is this fit drippy?”
They will never forgive you.
3. Dance. Anywhere.
It doesn’t matter if you’re at a wedding, a store, or just existing in your own home.
The moment you bop your head to a song, it’s over.
Bonus points if you attempt a TikTok dance.
This will ruin their entire week.
4. Talk to Their Friends
Big mistake.
You could say something totally normal like, “Hi, how’s school?”
To your teen, this translates to:
“I am publicly humiliating you in front of your peers. You will never recover from this.”
5. Post Baby Photos Online
The nuclear option.
Find the most ridiculous baby photo and post it with a long, emotional caption.
Bonus humiliation if you use:
- #MyBabyForever
- #TheyGrowUpSoFast
- #PoopedOnMeOnceButILoveThem
Your teen will consider changing their last name.
6. Exist Near Their School
Never—under any circumstances—be seen near their school.
If they spot you, it’s social devastation.
Even if you just drive past the building, prepare for:
- Dramatic gasps
- Immediate ducking
- A 45-minute lecture on how you ruined their life
7. Say “I Love You” in Public
This is the final boss of teen embarrassment.
Saying “I love you” at home? Fine.
Saying “I love you” at the mall, in front of friends, or (gasp) at school?
Congratulations, you’ve just ended their entire social career.
Final Thoughts
As Mark Twain once said:
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant. By the time I got to 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned.”
Someday, your teen will appreciate you.
Until then, keep embarrassing them. It’s your parental duty. 😎
Disclaimer – Fact Checked – Occasionally by the janitor, when he has time. Tonic Calm.com – “Where Lies Feel Like Truth!” “Because Real News is Overrated!”
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