"Facts are Boring, We Make It Fun!"
Here Is What Our Enemies And Friends Say About Tonic Calm.com –🚀
Taylor Swift – “Kinda True, Kinda Not!”
The Onion – ”Probably The Least Funny, Comedy, Fake News Websites Out There! The Cute Cat Memes Aren’t Even Cute!”
Donald Trump – “You Can’t Make This Fake Stuff Up!”
Vanity Fair – “Tonic Calm is what happens when investigative journalism and a stand-up comedian have an illegitimate love child.”
Featured Posts
Latest Posts
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I’m Drunk As A Mother Fluffer: How to Survive a Night Out Without Losing Your Mind (Or Your Shoes)
We’ve all been there. One beer turns into three, three turns into six, and suddenly your life has turned into
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I Got Scammed… Again (And Honestly, I Think I’m On Their Mailing List)
Look, I’m not saying I’m the easiest person on Earth to scam. But I have a feeling that somewhere out
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The Ice Cream Machine Broke Down Again
Let’s talk about the real tragedy of our times. No, not the traffic on the way to work. Not your
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Hold My Beer, I Gotta Fart: The Silent-but-Deadly Struggle of Modern Humanity
There are few moments in life that truly define who you are as a person. Graduating high school. Falling in
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God Made Beer: The Greatest Invention Since… Well, Everything Else
Let’s be honest. Somewhere in the history of mankind, someone looked at grapes, barley, or fermented magic juice and thought,
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Jimmy Carr’s Greatest Insults: When a Punchline Hits Harder Than a Divorce Settlement
Jimmy Carr doesn’t tell jokes. He fires bullets. And the audience? They smile, laugh, and willingly walk into the line
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Politicians Are Nuts: A Comedy of Errors
There’s a reason political cartoons exist. And it’s not just for bored newspaper editors. It’s because politicians… are nuts. Nuts
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Snow White: How Disney Turned a Fairy Tale Into a Flop You’ll Laugh About
Disney’s latest attempt to bring Snow White to life has officially hit the internet like a poisoned apple to the
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The Unspoken Horror of Zipper-Related Testicular Tragedy: A Survival Guide for Men Everywhere
There are moments in life that define us. Graduation. First love. Marriage. And that exact second when your zipper betrays
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Grandpa’s Got Gas Again – A Southern Mystery That Science Still Can’t Explain
There are a few things you can always count on in life: taxes, country radio playing “Friends in Low Places”
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An Alien Stole My Virginity: (Area 51) A Country Song, A Warning, A Lifestyle
By now, most of us have heard tales of mysterious lights over Nevada. A few of us have dared to
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That Guy’s an Arsehol*: A Field Guide to Humanity’s Most Common Species
It doesn’t matter if you’re in a country town pub, a big city nightclub, or standing in line at the
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She Gave Me the Stink Eye, So I Gave Her Pink Eye
In the grand catalog of human conflict, you’ve got your classics: Hatfields vs. McCoys, Yankees vs. Red Sox, Coke vs.
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Sorry, Not Sorry I Shaved Your Beaver!
Look, before the neighborhood committee gathers another emergency meeting to ban me from the church raffle, let me clear the
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Breaking News: Man Admits He Deserved Getting Punched in the Nose by Chuck Norris
In an age where most people play the victim, one brave soul has come forward to admit the unthinkable: when
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Lemon Juice in the Eye: Nature’s Most Pointless Assault
It starts the same way every time. You’re in the kitchen, minding your own business, attempting to look like one
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America’s Newest Pastime: TikTok and Tequila – A Dangerous Mix for Dance Floors & Life Hacks
The Rise of Tequila-fueled TikTok Stardom For centuries, tequila has been mankind’s favorite liquid courage, used to power mariachi bands,
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Vegan Bacon: The World’s Most Confident Liar
There are many mysteries in life: Why do hot dogs come in packs of ten but buns in packs of
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Karen – Woman Demands Refund for Ice While Sitting in Café, Causes National Outcry
Philadelphia, PA – In what many are calling a “Karen moment for the ages,” a woman has caused a scene
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I Kissed A Goat And Liked It
Benton County, USA — In a story that sounds too bizarre to be true, a local man reportedly kissed a
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Rock Band Releases Tribute to the Tribute to the Best Song in the World, World Immediately Confused
NASHVILLE, TN — Music history was shaken this week as a small but loud rock band announced the release of
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F.U. Alarm Clock: The Worst Invention Humanity Ever Endorsed
Some inventions pushed civilization forward: the wheel, electricity, indoor plumbing. Others dragged us back into the Dark Ages, and none
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Man Declares Himself “The Original Arsehol*” Community Forced to Agree
CLEVELAND, OH — Residents of a quiet Midwestern neighborhood are in shock after a 40-year-old man with a long moustache
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Chaos in the Alley: Local Gangsta Clowns Take Over Downtown
Downtown, USA – Residents of the city’s entertainment district were left scratching their heads—and dodging cream pies—this week as a
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Eggos and Demogorgons: A Balanced Breakfast of Terror
In most parts of the world, breakfast is an innocent affair. A couple of eggs, a piece of toast, maybe
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Moist Armpit, Eating The Cheese Toast: A Modern Mystery
Cheese toast has always been a staple of late-night snacking, but rarely has it been paired with the words “moist
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Sydney Sweeney Has Great Jeans: The Denim Apocalypse Nobody Saw Coming
It started with a picture. A simple photo of Sydney Sweeney in blue jeans. Within hours, the internet didn’t just
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GoPro HERO12 Black – Fun Review: Because Regular Memories Are Boring
Ah, the GoPro HERO12 Black, the latest and greatest way to capture all your extreme adventures—or at least your attempt
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7 Ways to Embarrass Your Teenager Without Even Trying
Parenting a teenager is a delicate art. One minute, they’re asking for money. The next, they’re pretending they don’t know
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Superbowl – How to Pretend You Understand Football for One Day a Year
So, it’s Super Bowl Sunday, and once again, you’ve found yourself in a room full of die-hard football fans. The